I have never had a blog before but thought; Hey why not try it, maybe someone out there who are in the same position as me or just find my writing “exciting”. You are very welcome to write any comments on my blog, maybe you can help me or know someone who has an advice or two 🙂
My very first blog I will use to tell a little about myself and my life.
I’m a single mom (My name’s Maja) to a precious boy named Tobias. He’s almost 4 years old. Unfortunately Tobias has a lot of difficulties and he’s behind in development both mentally and physically – doctors don’t know why and we are searching for a diagnosis. The latest news; we went to the Child Psychiatric Department and they don’t know anything either but they told me that Tobias should be “treated” like he has autism but that’s NOT his diagnosis (but maybe the best way to help him at the moment).
I wrote earlier that I’m a single mom. I left his dad when Tobias was a little more than 1 year old and left because our relationship was not healthy for either me or Tobias. Don’t want to talk bad about his father here on the internet so will say no more about him (maybe need to mention him during my blog, but will try and keep it as neutral as I possibly can).
Just to tell a little about my little man; He has almost no language and he learned to walk when he was almost 3 years old. Tobias and I went to a physiotherapist 2 times a week and finally he got it 🙂 It was a HUGE victory because some doctors told me that Tobias would never walk but now he is walking. He has these stereotyped movements with his hands and some say they are voluntary and some say that they are not. I believe they are voluntary and some kind of a “consolation” for him to do. He can stop these stereotyped movements if you hold him close to you or if he’s tired etc. Because of these movements he doesn’t use his hands and he doesn’t want to hold anything in them – only his tiger teddy named Tiger 🙂 He don’t want to play with any toys and he is not curious about things around him. He LOVES to watch cartoon and it’s so difficult to get him not to watch (yeah now you are thinking: Why not just turn OFF the television? Well did try that many times but my son’s starts to scream and he doesn’t stop the crying/screaming) His temper is very heated and he’s one stubborn boy. That can be good but most of the times it isn’t because it makes it that difficult to try to learn him anything. But Tobias has a great spirit and he’s a happy kid in spite of it all. I need to mention that he lives a week at my place and then a week at his dad’s. This scheme started about a year and a half ago (nearly 2 years to be accurate) before that Tobias lived with me and sometimes went to his dad’s and sometimes he didn’t – depending on his dad 😦 But then his dad got a girlfriend and she moved in and then he could have his boy 50/50, and the Danish system actually allows a little child to live like this (no solid base) and now I’m fighting a custody case. The reason why I’m fighting this case is because Tobias went wrong in development when we started this scheme. Before we started this scheme Tobias “only” had difficulties physically (he had hyper mobile ankles) but were on the right path. He could play, “read” magazines, go get his toys from his room and he talked a few words etc. but now we ended up here knowing nothing about what’s happening inside his little mind, that scares me so much and breaks my heart to see my little man like that. But hopefully this custody case is soon over with and my boy gets to have his solid base at my place because he would definitely benefit most from that!
Just a little FYI: I’m well aware that all these changes in my son’s development can be an outcome of a “diagnosis” and am NOT saying that it’s the 50/50 scheme with his dad but what if his development is an outcome of this? I just need to be sure that my boy doesn’t get hurt by this and that we are offering him the best!
Oh no I’m almost writing a novel here; sorry for that but it’s very difficult to write about this subject without being carried away.
Anyways this has cost a lot in my personal life: lost my job because I was down with stress and depression (the outcome of leaving his dad) – lost some friends (they chose their side) – can’t get my education started because I’m struggling a lot with this and mentally going “insane” because I want to help my boy so bad, just like any mother would. It can be extremely hard/rough to fight the system but a mother knows best! But no matter how hard it is/can get I have no regrets. I would give up ANYTHING for my little man. We need to fight for our children’s right to a stabile and joyful life.
I will stop my (first) blog now before you fall asleep.
This was taken at the hospital right before Tobias had to be under full anesthesia and undergo an MRI scan, he was such a brave little man that day, so proud of him (always am!)