Today has been a very mixed day. It started out great & little T (my son) & me had a beautiful morning & went for a long walk. The birds were chirping, even though the weather was quite grey, it was still lovely. Just to breath the nice and refreshing air into my lungs & feeling all freshened up & filled with new energy (much needed).
Then we got home & my ex (Little T’s) father called me. We have this custody case & it has been going for over 2 years now. Saturday (26 march) I am suppose to go to the very last hearing with the psychologist & she is telling me about the whole case & how she thinks our boy should live (now he lives a week at my place & then a week at his dad’s). Anyways my ex called me & told me that he was told yesterday (at his last meeting) that she isn’t going to change anything about the living situation for my little boy. I was devastated in that very moment he told me & burst into tears. Got off the phone & broke down & ran to the bathroom & threw up. This is making me sick, mentally and physically! I really didn’t think that things wouldn’t change. I was praying that things were finally getting better & my son could have one home = stability! The thing is, that here in Denmark this new law (parental responsibility law) wants children to live equally with both parents so they won’t miss out & hey that would be very sweet & great if it was the best for ALL children. Unfortunately some children gets in the middle & some children can’t handle living 2 places – I know I couldn’t live like that! This new parental responsibility law doesn’t take any account for children who can’t live like this. My little boy is behind in development & he’s so very fragile & sensitive that he’s not able to live like this & I know because I am his mom! He has lived with me before & only saw his dad every second weekend but then suddenly he got ripped away from me & now he had to live 2 places. Therefore I am fighting this with everything that I am. Some days are good some are not. I really want to stand strong & let my destiny be in God’s hands but some days I will doubt the masterplan of God & that I am sorry but luckily there are people in my life that cares so much & won’t let me break down.
A dear friend of mine (I haven’t met her face to face but she means a lot to me) Marlena told me this: Let Go And Let God! So yes I know I need to accept that God has a masterplan for my boy & me, but as said earlier some days are better than others. But this quote comforts me a lot when times are difficult & I forget the meaning of my battles. so thank you, Marlena!
The reason for my title for this very blog; It’s not a set back, it’s a set up!!! It was Brian Littrell who chirped that to me on Twitter – He wrote: “Stick together, your bond is the only thing that matters. Adversity makes us stronger. It’s not a set back, it’s a set up! 😉 chirp” – I adore Brian & my son & I listens to his record “Welcome Home” everyday because it gives us hope, strength & comfort! Brian is one of my true inspirations! My boy doesn’t have any language but whenever he hears this record he calms down & therefore this record is my son’s sweet lullaby at night!
For all of you who are following me up close & personal: Thank you so much for always being there for me & giving me hope to move on, getting stronger & keep fighting for what I believe!
“So why be alive if you don’t follow your every dream
Reach up to Heaven and stand for what you believe” – from the song “Angels & Heroes” Brian Littrell’s record “Welcome Home”