Hate even thinking about it!

These past weeks has been horrible – like in the exhausting horrible way.

If you’ve read any of my past blogs, you know I’m a single mom to a boy who’s very sick & therefore he require quite a lot. I love that Lil man with everything I am!

For some time, people have asked me why I don try it out & get a relief family for my boy but every time I was like; NO way, I can totally deal with it all – I could never give my son away – I would be a terrible mom if I did so etc but the last couple of weeks I’ve been over & over it in my mind, should I try it out? Only for some hours a week or every other week?  My heart can do it! I cry just thinking about it – I feel like the worst fiasco, one big fat failure! I am sure I just need to get some new & refreshed energy, but where do I get that? If you know, please let me know because I for sure need it. Just feels like I’m kinda stuck & my mind is chaotic!

Sometimes I just wish that Tobias’ “dad” would pull it together & take Tobias from time to time, that would be the best since he is his daddy but am pretty sure that ship has sailed & I actually don’t even think Tobias knows his dad anymore to be honest. Gosh I sound way to selfish here, sorry for that – it’s just my inner thoughts these days, hopefully tomorrow brings me back to myself & keep me the energy I need to keep on fighting for Tobias & to get him back to life somehow – but right now I feel like I’m not even standing & if I’m not even standing how on earth am I suppose to give Tobias everything he needs? I know I  give him everything he needs & that boy couldn’t be loved more by anyone else than me etc but just feel like I’m not fighting as hard as I have been!

But this is how I feel right now & guess that’a allowed as well but hate feeling like this, hate that I’m even thinking about if I could get a relief family for my boy but then again so many has it for their kids when they have special needs etc but why can’t I just be the supermommy, the mommy who can take on the whole world? I wanna be that mom!!!!




About majasf

Single mom
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One Response to Hate even thinking about it!

  1. Ywee says:

    Sweets.. there is absolutly NO reason to think about you were a bad mom jut because you have thought like this.
    You deserve a rest. You need to rest. You need to recharge your energy… for your little one. And when there is help there is no bad thing about to take it!
    Thats the reason why there is help, because ppl like you or in situations like you need help.
    To stay strong, to find energy…
    I know.. we’re Moms and we have to be brave and strong for our kids… but we cant help our kids when we’re stressed, beat and crying the whole time.

    I had a friend, with a little boy with special needs. She said she couldnt handle it and gave him away. She struggled with that for a long time, she visited him as often as she could and in the end she said ‘it was the right desicion’. She could raise her other son and be a mom for him. And she was a mom for her younger son with his special needs, because she’d done whats the best for him, in her mind. BECAUSE she was his mom and just wanted the best for her kid.

    There is nothing wrong to ask for help… for a few hours, a day, every now and then. You want the best for your son, but you need to think about yourself. Just a lil bit… every now and then.

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