These past weeks has been horrible – like in the exhausting horrible way.
If you’ve read any of my past blogs, you know I’m a single mom to a boy who’s very sick & therefore he require quite a lot. I love that Lil man with everything I am!
For some time, people have asked me why I don try it out & get a relief family for my boy but every time I was like; NO way, I can totally deal with it all – I could never give my son away – I would be a terrible mom if I did so etc but the last couple of weeks I’ve been over & over it in my mind, should I try it out? Only for some hours a week or every other week? My heart can do it! I cry just thinking about it – I feel like the worst fiasco, one big fat failure! I am sure I just need to get some new & refreshed energy, but where do I get that? If you know, please let me know because I for sure need it. Just feels like I’m kinda stuck & my mind is chaotic!
Sometimes I just wish that Tobias’ “dad” would pull it together & take Tobias from time to time, that would be the best since he is his daddy but am pretty sure that ship has sailed & I actually don’t even think Tobias knows his dad anymore to be honest. Gosh I sound way to selfish here, sorry for that – it’s just my inner thoughts these days, hopefully tomorrow brings me back to myself & keep me the energy I need to keep on fighting for Tobias & to get him back to life somehow – but right now I feel like I’m not even standing & if I’m not even standing how on earth am I suppose to give Tobias everything he needs? I know I give him everything he needs & that boy couldn’t be loved more by anyone else than me etc but just feel like I’m not fighting as hard as I have been!
But this is how I feel right now & guess that’a allowed as well but hate feeling like this, hate that I’m even thinking about if I could get a relief family for my boy but then again so many has it for their kids when they have special needs etc but why can’t I just be the supermommy, the mommy who can take on the whole world? I wanna be that mom!!!!