How to get there?

It’s no secret that I for years have tried to find that magic way to get Tobias to stop his stereotype movements in his hands & have tried so many different things but none of them has worked – yet, am still full of hope even though many have said that I am being blind & too naive etc. As Tobias’ mom I am allowed to be dreaming about him getting better, not him getting better for me but him getting better for himself – he deserves the world.

Some would say that I am not accepting my boy as he is or I am blindfolded & should realize that my boy is extremely sick & that he will never improve & blah blah blah. I DO know my son is sick & I do know that he’s so much behind in every development there is BUT the doctors haven’t found any diagnosis yet & they are nowhere close to finding the diagnosis so until then I am totally allowed to prove everybody wrong as long as Tobias is a happy boy & he is (most times LOL)

But gosh, am a little frustrated that I can’t seem to find the magic way to get him to be curious on how to use his hands again & sometimes I fall into the “doctor trap” & feel defeated & hopeless but I need to stand strong & keep believing that some day it will all change for my little boy.

Anyways, today I decided to try the whole painting with Tobias again – have tried it some time ago but it was definitely NO success at all & he screamed & got truly angry (maybe more frustrated because he couldn’t understand what was going on etc) but I feel like Tobias has developed more within the last 6 months, he’s more happy & a little more curious – not on doing things on his own but he’s more curious when people enter our home or if I’m cleaning or something like that.

So today I found all the painting gear & put on some music & made it all super cozy in the living room & Tobias seemed very happy & was even happy & smiling when I turned off the TV (Tobias is very obsessed with the TV) but as soon as I got him sitting at our dining table, he started screaming & reacted as he always does when I try something else than the TV but I decided to stay strong & told Tobias that we needed to do this & it would be a lot of fun. But we sat there for like 15 minutes, me taking his hands into the fingerpaint & on to the canvas – Tobias just screamed & was definitely at all interested in anything but we (or mostly me) did finish two small paintings. I decided to make a little heart on one of them & two smaller hearts on the other painting because everything I do with Tobias (no matter how much he screams, reacts angry, frustrated etc) I do it out of love because I love him endlessly & I believe in him!

Here’s the paintings we made today

But if you are reading this blog & have heard anything successful on how to treat those stereotype movements PLEASE let me know because I can’t get help anywhere & the doctors are just telling me to accept Tobias only wanting to watch the TV but I don’t think that’s the right thing to do at all because something inside of me tells me that I “just” need to find that miracle that can break down this illness or whatever it is Tobias has. I am still very convinced that this is something psychologically but no one wants to believe that other than me & my family. It’s just the whole story with Tobias, the way it all escalated from almost one day to another.

But Tobias is still standing & he’s a happy kid & his way of interacting is definitely improving.

Some would say; why are you so obsessed with getting him to stop those stereotype movements? Well, because I believe that if he could relax in his hands, he would get more curious on stuff laying around at home, when we are outside but most importantly, if he could relax in his hands then maybe he could learn sign language & that way get a language because as it is right now he has no language at all.

But maybe I am wrong & maybe we will never find out what is wrong with my precious boy but here’s my diagnosis;  my precious boy with a very rare & unique personality with loads of charm!

I love him more & more for each day that passes by!

God Bless

XOXO Maja

About majasf

Single mom
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