(Don’t read this blog like it’s a lecture or something like that. It’s just me wanting to spread some positive vibes and to be honest; I could use that myself from time to time.)
I have (just like any other, I think) very bad days where I feel like nothing is ever going to happen, the way I plan it to, or that all my hard efforts will ever pay off. Luckily, there will always come a day where I know I’m a fool for being so negative and for allowing such negative thoughts in my heart and mind. Truth is; we all tend to do it and people saying that they never have bad days, are lying! (Sorry, but I think so!)
“It’s not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” I love this quote because it’s indeed so very true! When we are right in the storm (the difficult times) it’s really okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated but just keep in mind that this too shall pass and things might never be the same again but that doesn’t have to be a negative thing at all. Some people tend to think that it’s not okay to feel discouraged, sad, angry or anything negative and keep telling you how to feel and how positive you should feel. “The sun is shining and the birds are chirping, be happy.”… “Yeah well, the sun can shine all it wants too and the birds may sound pleasant but right now I’m dealing.” (be honest).
That’s totally fine, we have feelings and sometimes, it’s okay, to just stand still and say out loud:
Right now I’m sad and it is what it is!
I’ve been through a lot that I don’t even wish upon my worst enemy and I definitely had days (still have and I know, those days will still come) where I felt like the biggest failure and that I couldn’t do anything right. Being in a relationship with my ex, a relationship that was all wrong for me in so many ways and unfortunately I didn’t realize until it was almost too late but fortunately I did eventually wake up, take charge and responsibility for myself! Today, sitting in my apartment, looking at my beautiful son, I sometimes wonder: Would I ever have left my ex, if it wasn’t for my son? Wanting to give him the world and making sure that he didn’t suffer in that bad environment that our home had become, never knowing when the clouds would burst. Well to be honest, I don’t care and I shouldn’t waste time thinking about that. I got away and I’m now in a better place again and of course there are still fights that have to be taken with my ex but at least I don’t live with him.
My son is sick and doctors have no idea (you probably already know all of this, if you have read some of my earlier blogs). This subject can definitely break me down from time to time and I wish I could write that it’s not as often anymore but that wouldn’t be the truth at all. I have days, where I smile and all of the sudden, I just cry and feel completely restless but it’s all part of life and part of being human. It’s not easy dealing with having a sick son, especially not when you have no clue on what direction to go, what’s the right treatment and so on but I think, I’ve finally mastered getting on my two feet again. I ‘just’ need to tell someone that I’m feeling sad or asking for help! Before, I sucked at asking for help because I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone but finally after a long time, realizing that friends and family are there for you and it goes both ways, naturally! All I need is one smile from my favorite boy; my son! The best medicine in the entire world, when I have a bad day, Seriously, I think his smile can cure almost just about everything! (obviously; I’m his mom, I should feel this way)
Some time ago, I put my son on a ‘diet’/new lifestyle, NO MORE gluten or dairies. I wasn’t the best in a kitchen before and believe me, this new food doesn’t make life any easier but I keep trying, keep going. Some days, we get food that tastes deliciously and some days, it’s rubbish. Just a week ago, I could curse myself for failing in the kitchen, now I just laugh and say: oh well, I tried. Now I just always have healthy pancakes in the freezer (some days, they are needed if everything else ‘fails) that my mom actually makes because if there’s something, I’m shitty at, it’s baking in general and making pancakes, it’s okay if you want to laugh now LOL. But I know it and one fine day, I will master it, I’m sure of it but right now, I enjoy and appreciate that my mom wants to have the trouble. It for sure makes my life a little easier.
I don’t want to bore you with a lot of nonsense but just trying to tell you and myself that we can do whatever we want to, but sometimes it takes time, we fall into holes but we will get up again! Don’t believe me? Well, I’m still on my two feet, still fighting. Never look on how far you still have to go, look at how far you’ve come! Life is life and we can’t plan it no matter how much we sometimes wish we could!
I believe in YOU and I know YOU can do whatever you want to! It’s all about the definition behind it. For instance; my son might never be cured, or even get a diagnosis (honestly, it’s so easy to write this but in reality, even I, haven’t come to terms with this yet. I know myself and I really doubt that I ever will. I will always keep pushing doctors, keep searching etc. but in the meantime it’s my most precious responsibility to teach him to live life the best he can, live his best life being the best that he can! I don’t know if it makes sense at all?!
If you ever feel down, don’t be afraid to admit it and know that it’s perfectly fine to have a bad day as long as you don’t dwell in it for too long! Life is truly a gift and we should most definitely make the most of it.
I hope this blog wasn’t too boring or meaningless. Maybe you can use it for something and if not, carry on LOL
(PS. Spelling/grammar mistakes comes totally for free, wrote this quickly while it was still in my head, I can be so forgetful these days LOL)
Enjoy your weekend.