I forgive you for never listening to me – why?
Because I was not loud enough
I wanted to be, but did not dare to.
I forgive you for trying to control my life – why?
Because I let you
I wanted to run but did not know where to.
I forgive you for drinking too much – why?
Because I know you were sick
I wanted to save you but it was not my task.
I forgive you for throwing stuff around – why?
Because it was a part of you
I wanted that part to drop to the ocean.
I forgive you for neglecting me – why?
Because I stayed
I wanted to be the one changing you.
I forgive you for being a monster at times – why?
Because you had a rough upbringing
I wanted to show you how beautiful you truly were.
I forgive you for never being home when needed the most – why?
Because you did not care enough
I wanted you to care for us.
I forgive you for not spending time with your son – why?
Because he needed me
I wanted you to stay away.
I forgive you for demanding your son all of the sudden – why?
Because I have to
I wanted you to give him back.
I forgive you for all your lies at the meetings – why?
Because I know the truth
I wanted others to see right through you.
I forgive you for being weak – why?
Because I am stronger
I want you to admit.
This is ME forgiving YOU!
This is ME forgiving the PAST
This is ME moving FORWARD
But I can never forgive you on other’s behalf, that is up to you to get that forgiveness.
Have you even forgiven yourself?
It took me a long time, but I have forgiven myself for letting you do this
Is the guilt eating you up?
I do not feel guilty for wanting to be with you
I feel guilty for trying too hard
I feel guilty for ruining myself for you
BUT I forgive myself
What do you see in the mirror?
Finally, I do not see you anymore in my mirror
I forgive you but I can never forget
Your eyes are still the same
I forgive you for admitting that he is better off without you
I cannot forgive that yet but I wish you would let me forgive you for it
Maybe some day, you will let us be…..