I will never forget but….

I forgive you for never listening to me – why?

Because I was not loud enough

I wanted to be, but did not dare to.

I forgive you for trying to control my life – why?

Because I let you

I wanted to run but did not know where to.

I forgive you for drinking too much – why?

Because I know you were sick

I wanted to save you but it was not my task.

I forgive you for throwing stuff around – why?

Because it was a part of you

I wanted that part to drop to the ocean.

I forgive you for neglecting me – why?

Because I stayed

I wanted to be the one changing you.

I forgive you for being a monster at times – why?

Because you had a rough upbringing

I wanted to show you how beautiful you truly were.

I forgive you for never being home when needed the most – why?

Because you did not care enough

I wanted you to care for us.

I forgive you for not spending time with your son – why?

Because he needed me

I wanted you to stay away.

I forgive you for demanding your son all of the sudden – why?

Because I have to

I wanted you to give him back.

I forgive you for all your lies at the meetings – why?

Because I know the truth

I wanted others to see right through you.

I forgive you for being weak – why?

Because I am stronger

I want you to admit.

This is ME forgiving YOU!

This is ME forgiving the PAST

This is ME moving FORWARD 

But I can never forgive you on other’s behalf, that is up to you to get that forgiveness.

Have you even forgiven yourself? 

It took me a long time, but I have forgiven myself for letting you do this

Is the guilt eating you up?

I do not feel guilty for wanting to be with you

I feel guilty for trying too hard

I feel guilty for ruining myself for you

BUT I forgive myself

What do you see in the mirror?

Finally, I do not see you anymore in my mirror

I forgive you but I can never forget

Your eyes are still the same

I forgive you for admitting that he is better off without you

why?

I cannot forgive that yet but I wish you would let me forgive you for it

Maybe some day, you will let us be…..

About majasf

Single mom
This entry was posted in Personal Blog. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I will never forget but….

  1. A stunning piece of work, and so brave and wonderful on your part to be the bigger and more courageous soul. You should always be so proud of yourself.

    • majasf says:

      Thank you so much, Cameron, for those kind words!
      You are one amazing support even though we live kind of far apart 🙂
      Thank you for being such a good friend!
      XX

  2. Paige Thomas says:

    You have such a strong, compassionate spirit, Maja. I’m so proud of the decisions you’ve made. Tobias is a lucky little man to have a truly beautiful mother by his side.

  3. majasf says:

    Aww, thank you so much, Paige!
    Your words means a lot to me and thank you so much for following my blog as well 🙂
    You are amazing!
    XOXO

  4. Patricia says:

    Owww sweety,

    It is so familiar to me! This is just what I needed today, these exact words describe the feelings I’ve had to day.

    Thanx for sharing!
    Lots of love Patricia

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