I find it incredibly annoying that when I have an amazing and delightful day and I even go to bed with one huge smile on my face, feeling totally good then it comes – the nightmare!
Last night, I woke up crying and screaming.
I could barely breathe and I felt like a darkness had taken me into a deep embrace and I had trouble getting out of it, realizing it was ‘only’ a nightmare.
I do not think I can go into details about it because to be honest, it still makes me feel sick!
I dreamt that I was running around with my son in my arms, he was all covered in a blanket because he was that cold. My big sister was there as well. We were running around at this huge hospital. Obviously, my son was not feeling good. The worst part in this dream was that I at some point took his hand out from the blanket and his hand was all wrinkly and cold.
The fingertips looked like they were completely dehydrated, like they were disappearing. It is not easy to describe. It was scary as hell!
Just writing this; almost makes me cry again. I can handle many nightmares but when they are about my son, it makes me sick! It makes me angry and frustrated. I think, any parent can relate to that or yes anyone, really.
A nightmare is so much worse when it is about our loved ones.
So, I was running up and down long, white corridors at this hospital, trying to get any doctor’s attention, but they all just said: Sorry, we cannot help or is it really that bad? Some, even just turned their backs to me.
Then we end down at a parking basement where loads of ambulances are parked and their drivers just walking around with no care in the world. They too, turn their back to me.
One ambulance driver promises to take me to another hospital but he drags time like I have never experienced before…. All of the sudden, my sister has her car and we start driving like mad people and I look at my son, his eyes are almost closed, then he tries to open them again. He is completely pale but red around the eyes, he is fading away. He has no energy but opens his eyes just to look at me.
That is when I wake up.
(While writing this, I once again feel shitty and sad)
I get out of bed, all dizzy, sad, angry and run into my son’s room who is sleeping safely. I kiss him on his forehead and the first thing, I did this morning, was to take his hands, they are all fine and normal!
I am perfectly aware why I had this nightmare because I am sick and tired of hospitals and doctors who think it is even remotely okay not to do as promised!
Real life current status is:
One hospital where we have been going for years (they control the medication Tobias is getting) and once again, it looks like we cannot have more of that because apparently the brand/firm of this medication is changing (AGAIN) and I need a permit from the government to get this and every time they change the name of the medication or collaborate with another pharmaceutical company, I have to get a new permit and also a new prescription, it can take a month from when the doctor apply for this (I have not even talked to a doctor yet). I am almost out of pills for Tobias and still no news on the medication.
At another hospital, a doctor promised me to send a letter with a list of blood tests Tobias has to have taken at our own doctor’s office, she promised me this in the beginning of this May, and still nothing!
So you see, the doctors turning their backs on us in my nightmare are just symbol of how I feel in real life!
This morning I called both hospitals and as always, they promise to have the doctor calling me back!
Seriously, I am furious that this is how our country treats sick people! I know that many foreigners always tell Danish people how lucky we are, and what a great system we have and so on! Well, it is NOT always the way it is! Believe me; I have seen the downside of it!
I just have to get this out of my system in order to get this out of my system, or at least try because the anger and frustrations I have towards the doctors will not disappear until they grab their balls and start doing something! Really, you took an education on how to help sick people.
Fair enough, that you can cure every disease.
Fair enough, that you cannot always make a diagnosis.
But it is not fair of you to let people hanging!
Take responsibility and show some credibility!
Okay, my rant is over. Tobias and I are going home to my parents today and I cannot wait.
Today is one of those days, where I am the little girl, in need of my parents. And I am very thankful to have them both and they are always here for me, for us!
Have a beautiful day.