Today, I had the very last meeting concerning home training of my son.
When you home train, the law requires that a team of a physiotherapist from a hospital, a caseworker/disability adviser and the educational leader in your area has to visit you four times in a year to evaluate how everything is going, is the child thriving, guidance and so on.
To be honest; I have not been able to use this team for anything at all.
I am the first one to home train my child in my city (not many in our country home trains in general). Therefore the team has been without much knowledge about how to tackle this situation but that is no excuse if you ask me, since they should know the law. But the meeting today went great because today they all recognized what I have done for my son and what he has accomplished. It made me so happy to hear. Especially because they did not have faith in us from the start.
To get the home training a year ago was a challenge and it took me eight months + three meetings with our mayor to get the permission, EVEN THOUGH the law says home training is an option if several criteria are met (I met them all) and yet they kept saying no and so on. I cannot go into details how it all made me feel because this blog is not about me like that.
Today, the caseworker asked me to be a part of a project where SFI (the National Centre for Social Research) wants to interview parents who have home trained their child/children in regards to hear about how the parents felt the whole procedure went with the caseworkers and other professionals, what the law should change etc. I am so thrilled to be a part of this and had no doubt when she asked me.
YES! I will definitely do this for my son and for all the parents in our country that has no idea about their rights to help their own children.
Why did I seek home training to begin with?
In our city, we only have one special kindergarten and that was hell!
The kindergarten could not understand my son and his needs, they did all the things, I told them NOT to do and my son was sad everyday he had to go.
This offer was simply not good enough! And after reading a book about a very dedicated father who home trained his brain-injured daughter after the Doman method and got amazing results, I got inspired and went along with seeking for taking care of my own child. First, I had to read the book “What to do with your brain-injured child” by Glenn Doman (it is not a how to book but it is a book about amazing results and studies etc).
My son is not brain-injured but he had/has some of the similar ‘symptoms’ and we even went to a therapist who knew everything about this (the same father who wrote the inspirational book about home training his daughter). It was really expensive to receive his help but I got it and it was a part of the plan.
Home training my son is something I am forever thankful to have done! But it was not easy to get there and you need to do so much preparation, so many meetings with all kinds of professionals, doctors and so on.
All the preparation tears you down, exhausts you because every time you have spend hours on making something, the caseworkers told you something else or simply refused to listen. I had to make my very own training program for my son and it took a lot of time because you have to personalize it so it fits your child’s needs. You receive NO help whatsoever (Or at least, I did not) and you need to be able to read all the paragraphs yourself. At one point, I even called a lawyer to hear my rights.
I started out with personalizing a ‘Doman schedule´for my son but quickly discovered that this what not the solution and it did not match Tobias in any way. Fine, moving on and found the solution that fitted my son and me the best.
Doman is quite rough because you have to ‘force’ your child to train but not be mean in any way! But my son had way too much will and therefore he got too angry which resulted in a very tense and rigid body. Then we started Marte Meo, the best thing ever! I do not want to go into details about the home training in itself because there are a million ways of doing this and the most important thing is that you find whatever is suitable for your child and you. My point is just, try, learn and move on!
So what do I want to use this project for?
I want to scream and shout for all the children and all the parents in hopes of being able to help them or at least make the process of seeking home training easier!
If life was not difficult enough with having a sick child, it becomes even more difficult with people trying to beat you down.
As it is today, the law says that as soon as the child becomes the age where they start school, you cannot be allowed to home train anymore and the child will have to go to a special school.
Again, in our city, there is only one school that can room a child like mine.
Hopefully, it will be a success.
But I want the law to change, I want our government to wake up and smell the coffee.
NOT every child is ready for school just because the age says so. This needs to change! Parents should be allowed to home train, no matter age (of course, the parents has to be able to fulfill all the needs that the child might have and also it is a huge task to take on, you will a periods where you are tired, devastated, see no results and so on)!
But dear Government; Come on, it is not pure joy staying at home and train your own child. It does not mean that a parent is lazy and do not want to go to work. It is so extremely rough on you. I have been the mother but also the educator of my own child and we are not talking about educating my son in math, history and so on. This is a training that consists of endless of hours where you have to teach your child where his or her foot is (for instance), how to stand, walk, be curious, all in all, it is a fight to get your child back on track or at least just get your child to live the best life possible! A parent knows best! (or they should)
I am darn proud of myself that I have been able to do this BUT I am also very aware that I would not have been able to keep fighting to get this home training, if it was not for my amazing family! Being a single mother to a sick child is demanding and difficult, I admit.
I am perfectly aware that not every parent is as lucky and blessed as me.
Some do not have a supportive and strong family like I have and those I want to help. I want them to know that they are not alone and it is their right to take care of their sick child/children. I am sick of the system failing and I am even more sick when the system tries to beat you down, making you feel like a complete idiot who has no clue on how to treat your own child! I had to listen to caseworkers telling me that the hell of a kindergarten was the best for my son even though I had a doctor’s statement that my son was better off with staying at home with me, home training or not! But they kept on and on about how my son should be treated – how on earth did they know that? Some of these caseworkers never met my son, no one (including doctors) knew/knows what is wrong with my son, how did/do you then know his needs? I tell you: I know! Why? Because I am his mother!
I cannot wait to start this project and I just hope that someone will listen in the Government. Help these children, help their parents to become even better parents. Do not give up on our children, they deserve more! Let parents become educators of their own children if they can do it. Create awareness about this!
You cannot take an education that can ever be compared with being a loving and strong parent!
I will roar for those in need!
This will be very interesting and hopefully it will wake up our entire country!