I’m not even sure how to write this blog without sounding like I’m trying to be better or wiser than the teachers at my son’s school but I swear, I was almost crying on the way home after picking my son up.
First off, let me say that I really like the teachers and the way they’re treating my son makes me extremely thankful and happy. I have nothing bad to say about them, but today kinda changed my view on them or maybe it’s just the way the system works, I’m not sure?!
It’s no secret that I’m almost always against the system in my country (Denmark) and the way things are working or NOT working when it comes to children with special needs.
My son went to the most horrible kindergarten ever and gosh, I hated that place!
I hated it so much that even after a year of hometraining my own son, my stomach turned when I was told that my son had to start school (Special school, of course). I had all the reasons to start crying, I wanted to smash things around and I was ready to fight the system, once again… I already did with the kindergarten. It took me over a year but I got my son home! I’ll NEVER recommend that kindergarten to anyone but apparently I was the only parent thinking how wrong the teachers there were, but enough about that.
As you know, my son goes to a special school. They are 9 students in that class – most of them with autism, one with a permanent brain injury after suffering meningitis, one with bad kidneys and apparently he has something else but not a diagnosis and then there is my son, without a diagnosis as well.
Right, I arrive at the school as always in a happy mood because I’ve missed my son – (my son’s class room is actually a little wooden house beside the actual school, very cozy).
Anyways, I arrive and one of the male teachers is sitting outside in front of the door on a chair. He tells me that one of the kids is having a tantrum and they’ve tried everything but without successes so they’ve lock the kid inside the hallway so he doesn’t run away or hurts the other children. They’ve called the mom but she didn’t want to come so instead they were awaiting the head of the department to see what she could/would do about the situation.
Right away my heart started crying. This kid is a boy whom is always so happy, he talks a lot, sings and he always helps me in the morning by opening the front door and sometimes he even helps taking my son’s jacket off. Really he just stole my heart from the very first time I saw him.
I’m very puzzled about the situation as I get into the class room and talk to one of the female teachers and ask if it isn’t a wrong way of dealing with this situation and if it doesn’t hurt her to just ‘ignore the kid’ – she nods and looks very hopeless.
My son is happy as always when I pick him up. I try to listen a little to what the boy is screaming in the hallway and he’s shouting, kicking the door and just really raging out. Since they’ve locked the door, I can’t pick up my son’s stuff and a teacher goes into the room to pick it up for me.
I see the little boy and he looks at me with his baby blues and my goodness he looks so angry and sad but most importantly he looks alone. He tries to get out but the male teacher stops him and tells him to stay. I once again talk to the teacher but she just tells me that they’ve tried everything and the boy just want them to restrain him in their arms but when they try that he keeps fighting them so they don’t want to do that because they feel like they’re violating him. I really try to understand their situation but then tell her that I’ve tried a similar situation with my son in the past but after some minutes he relaxed in my arms and I think they should try the same with the little boy (he’s 9 years old) – but the head of department arrives and it’s quite obvious to me that the teachers aren’t interested in what I have to say so I take my son and we walk out. I get if they are stressed about it all and they must feel some kind of defeat when they can’t handle a child and get that child to calm down but still it hurts me.
All the way home I’m feeling shocked, appalled, sad, on the verge to cry so I call my mom to let her know my frustrations – my mom agrees with me that it’s wrong but she tells me that maybe that’s the way they’ve been told to treat this problem. To be honest, I don’t give a flying F**** about what they’ve been told. It’s wrong to ignore a child like that! You’re taking away their feelings and showing them that it’s not okay to be sad or angry. Come one, the little boy doesn’t know why he’s that angry or maybe he does. After all, he can talk. Deal with it! Don’t lock a kid inside another room and just leave him to himself.
I know it’s a school and maybe they don’t have the necessary resources or enough staff to cope properly and really be there for one kid when needed but I swear if I had arrived and it was my son in there, I would have slapped them! No seriously, I get so angry!
I’m still feeling sad and I feel angry and disappointed. I have nothing bad to say about them and the passion they have is amazing, really these teachers are the first ones I met that really love their job but then again, it just changed for me today. I need to talk to them on Monday and ask them exactly what happened and I’m going to be completely honest with them, letting them know that I felt so sad and angry and it scares me a little that anyone would lock a kid inside a room. Yes, I know they were right in the other room and they wouldn’t let him hurt himself – I know they have all the other kids to think about as well but seriously, why oh why? Argh I’m just so frustrated. Especially because this little boy stole my heart right away and maybe he’s raging out because he has to fit into a class where none of the other kids are talking. He’s the only one with language so maybe he’s just really frustrated. Often when I arrive to the school, he’s outside playing soccer with himself or watching cartoons. What the heck is this kid exactly supposed to do in a class full of children with no language and difficulties moving around etc?
I’m always being told by other parents to children with special needs that I’m being naïve and that I’m the one being wrong because I think I can deal with the entire world all on my own and blah blah blah – seriously some parent’s are pathetic and should take responsibility for their children! I’m deeply sorry that some kids are being left to a system just because the parent’s don’t want to take time to understand or just to love. But if I could, I would change the system. I would make sure that schools had so many teachers that every child could get help or extra attention when needed!
This blog might have been confusing to read and I’m sorry for that but my temper is really bad right now and then again, I need to remember that these teachers are not bad people – they are just not enough and they’re working their arses off to be the best teachers they can be but this situation was wrong no matter how you put it! And that mom should’ve picked her son up and made him feel her love and that she’s there. I just don’t get it……