When worry takes over

I want to start out by saying that I’m absolutely happy for the school/class that my son goes to. Especially the amazing teachers who has such passion for children with special needs; I admire them and I know that they will do everything they can to make sure our children are happy, and they keep fighting for our children’s development. BUT, what really brings me completely down on my knees; when the teachers tell me that Tobias had a rough day with a lot of screaming and crying with tears, that they tried everything they could but he just couldn’t find the same rest as some other days. First, I kind of wish they would just call me so I can pick him up but then again, I know they want to show that they are capable and they need to try because children needs school and to be socialized.

I have tried home-training my son but he needs other children around and also, he needs people around him who are not me… the whining mommy who does everything for him… he needs challenges.

Besides, all children have good and bad days – just like us adults. But when you have a child without any diagnosis (= you have no clue on what the future brings, none of us do, but I don’t know how my son’s illness are going to develop – is it going to be worse or maybe better? I don’t know because I don’t know what illness he has. Then again; I hate comparing people, and would never compare my child to any other child. But, sometimes it would be nice with an idea on what’s going on, that way I would better be able to help my son to whatever needs he has. For now, I’m just trying everything I can).

Even with this in mind, his bad days in school, really puts my brain on work and I start thinking way too much negative thoughts such as:

Is my son getting worse?

Is his screaming/crying part of the unknown illness?

Is there something the doctors overlooked?

Is he sick with something else?

Is he not happy in school?

Etc.

Etc.

Etc…. it really makes me worry and maybe, just maybe he has just one bad day.

Truth is, it has been more often that he comes home and the teachers have written that he had a very ‘loud day.

I know my son has become louder but I think it’s because he’s developing and he’s learning how to say ‘no’ – at least that’s how I see it at home. But as the teachers told me; Tobias needs to have challenge and he needs to learn that there are things we don’t really want to do but have to do. I agree, we all have things we don’t necessarily want to do but we know it’s inevitable.

I guess I just need to accept that I am a worrier – but I truly wish I could learn to relax a little more because it’s not healthy worrying this much – it gives me migraines, tiredness and I’m no good like this.

I talked to my mom about this and she told me something that I really need to remember and I’ve already mentioned it in this blog post; we ALL have bad days… and that does include me. I’m happy that my mom reminded me of this. I have days where nothing can beat me down. Days where I’m blissfully happy and think the future can only be bright. Then I have days like today; I’m overthinking, over-worrying and the future doesn’t seem as bright.

That’s when I blog the most actually. When I’m down, feel defeated I blog because when I write things down, my brain creates a whirlwind of emotions and then it becomes clearer to me. Then I could just stop there and not publish my blog post but I know there are people out there who feels exactly like me and maybe (just maybe) one of them, reads this and know they’re not alone.

Having these ‘negative days’ doesn’t require a child with special needs. No, we all (no matter who or where we are) we have days where we can’t really find our happy place. And that’s perfectly okay, perfectly normal. As long as we can find a way out of that ‘dark thinking’.

When it all coms down to it, it doesn’t matter what the future looks like. The only thing that matters are the present, the right NOW!

It still frustrates me that my son has these ‘tantrums’ in school but I know he is in good hands and the teachers would call me if they really felt it was needed. To be honest, I love the fact that they are not handling things like I would.

Tobias has his long day in school today and will not be home until 8 pm – every Thursday he’s part of this afternoon club along with five other children where the teachers are cooking for them and doing all kinds of fun/cozy stuff. My son loves this club because two of his favorite male teachers are there. Since I’m a single mom and my son doesn’t see his dad, he loves being around men who knows how to play the guitar and also isn’t afraid of goofing around with the children. So I’m grateful for this club being offered to us.

  • Maybe the school will call and ask me to pick up Tobias because he’s crying or something… nah, just kidding – no need to worry about that. Since it’s my day off school, I’m going to practice on my guitar, draw/paint a little, enjoy some coffee and also need to study a little for tomorrow’s classes.

I’m sorry if this blog post is a little confusing… but I’m still tired from Tuesday night, where my son almost didn’t sleep at all – maybe I should add sleep in my little to do list today. Yesterday; was spent at home with my tired boy.

If you’re reading this blog post, feel free to comment what brings you completely down or if you’re just always happy and a non-worrier, please share your secret 😉

XOXO Maja

About majasf

Single mom
This entry was posted in Personal Blog and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s